Wednesday, March 14, 2012


     Now, this is kind of a stupid blog....  Really, I was just sittin' in my chair when thoughts such as these just cropped up and took on a life of their own. 

     Chances are, before I have finished this ramble, I will have spewed out a few thoughtless words that come in handy when my laptop suddenly imposes massive grief upon me and my ever so diligence to use time wisely.  Back in days of typewriters, I learned to punch out about seventy words a minute, error free, on one of those big heavy Olympia manual typewriters.  Back then, typing on a manual type writer included using your left hand to push the carriage back with every line you typed.  Now days, there is no carriage return.  Just hit "enter" with your right pinkie and keep going.  Of course, we don't call it "typing" these days.  We call it "keyboarding."  Anyway, way back in "typing" class, I learned how to type without looking at the keys.  In class, the letters weren't imprinted on the keys, so it did little good for a student to look at the keys anyway.  So, these days, my habit is to let my fingers do the walking, rather than pounding, ever so quickly and gracefully on these soft keys.  I guess, on a good day, I can get over hundred words tapped out in every minute IF,  IF, IF the desktop or the lap top is cooperating with me.   Remember, my style is to "type" away without looking the keys.  Usually, I'm not looking at the screen either.  I'm just plugging away tapping out whatever is in my mind to put on the page, and this laptop I'm using now does some of the damnedest things when I'm not looking.  God!  I hate it when it does that!

     For example, it leaves out letters that I know, sure as hell, that I pressed on the keyboard.  Also, in a split second, without warning, it deletes entire paragraphs (remember, I'm not looking).  Sometimes, I notice that split second when that happens, and out of my mouth flows "Dammit!" But at other times, I don't notice the omissions until three, four, five paragraphs, or a few pages, or a few days LATER.  Then, it's like SHIT!  DAMN!  DANGIT! etc., etc.  Those thoughtless words that come in handy don't solve the problem, but, HELL YEA they do, they do, they DO help get that honest rage vented, and so I would even say they are a little therapeutic in that spit second of exasperation.

     Now, usually, there's no one around when such therapeutic vocabulary spews out of my mouth.  But that's not always a good thing.  Yea, I have enough self-control to "keep my mouth shut," say when my mom, or a child, or my boss, or a co-worker is in the room, but that's not nearly as therapeutic, is it?

     But, you know what?  I don't even call that use of those words "profanity."  I don't call it "cussin'" or "saying bad words" either.

     To me, "profanity" is "nonsense flowing out of someones mouth, or being said as they are writing / typing, that's being pushed as faithfully representing the truth."  Get it?  It's what many of us often call "bullshit," and the word "bullshit" isn't profane when it pretty much, in a metaphoric way, nails it.  I've heard "profanity" coming from church pulpits, college lecturns, people who rarely, if ever, use the "four letter word" variety, and even sweet old men and women.

     Now, I do wish my daughter (Hey Divina!) would clean up her mouth!  I really think she is intelligent enough to use more sophisticated vocabulary than she sometimes does, and I would rather her children not hear (or read) her cuss words.  But, she's a big girl, has a mind of her own, and she doesn't not need me telling her what to do.

     But, as my opinion would have it, "four letter words" are NOT necessarily profanity, and profanity is not necessarily the use of "four letter words."  Profanity can, and often is, voiced and written in so many other ways and can be so much more replusive than the "four letter word" variety.

     As far as the "four letter word" variety goes (and I know some of them contain more than four letters), here are some, along with some of my commentary, that, as far as being truthful goes, can nail it pretty good and, so, don't have to be thought of as profane.

    Hell:  When I say it, it can mean that place where we'll go if we don't go to Heaven.  It can also mean "trouble," as in "They raised hell last night," or it can mean "trouble is brewing or has been made" as in "Oh hell! She's gonna be mad."  Sometimes, it means "that world totally void of logic, truth, and meaning (in a word, nonsense)," as in "They finished with a hellish conclusion after wandering all over hell."  Other times, it can mean, "fury," as in  "He was angrier than hell."  Sometimes, I think preachers and pious people are glad to be able to say this one quite liberally.

     Damn:  When I say it, it usually means (to put it mildly) "I don't approve," as in "DAMN!"  But, sometimes, it can mean "Wow!"

     Damned:  When I say it, it usually means "ruined."  For example, "That was a damned argument." or "It sounds like you've got a damned mouth."  But sometimes, I use it as an adjective of emphasis as in "That doesn't mean a damned thing to me."  This is another one that I think preachers like to say.  Well, if it's in the Bible, they can say it, right?

     Dammit:  When I say it, I usually say it forcefully (although not necessarily loudly).  It indicates that I'm blaming something, or someone, for an inconvenience imposed upon me.  Usually, "DAMMIT." is a complete sentence.

     Dayum:  This is the way many southerners say "damn."

     Darn:  This is a polite (perhaps) way to say "damn."

     Darned:  This is a polite way to say "damned," (when it has nothing to do with putting socks together) but it sure would, likely, be funny to hear  preachers say, "Those who don't believe shall be darned."

     Durn:  This is a polite way, but not as polite as "darn" to say "damned."

     Shit:  This can refer to feces produced by any living creature, but, like "Damn!" when I say it, it usually means "I don't approve."   For many people, though, it can be kind of an all purpose word for just about any noun.

     Sheeit:  This is the way many southerners say "Shit."

     Shoot:  "Shit"

     Crap:  "Shit"

     Bullshit:  As I mentoned before, this term usually means "nonsense."

     Bullcrap:  This is a polite way to say "Shit" or "Bullshit."

     Fuck:  Sometimes this refers to sexual intercourse, generally, or penile penetration, specifically.  I usually don't use this word, but it seems to mean the same damned thing as "Damn!"  or "Go to hell!"

     Fucked:  This is past tense of "fuck," and can mean "ruined."

     Fucking:  Present active tense or a gerund.  It, like "damned," may be used as an adjective of emphasis as in "Not a fucking thing."

     God damned:  Sometimes, this means, "God has damned" this or that.  The only time I use this one is when I think it's literally true about something.

     goddam:  This makes "God damned" seem a tiny bit more polite.

     bitch:  This might refer to a female canine creature (dog, fox, wolf, etc), but it might be used to refer to "griping," or to a very pronouced negative attitude.

"Ass" is in the Bible too.

     Anyway, these are not my preferred words of choice.  Usually, I avoid using them.  But, I ain't gonna lie to you by telling you that I've never used them.  Fact is, they've been handy at helping to "nail it" at times.


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